Communication. It's something we do every single day. We communicate with our families, our coworkers, our friends, and even strangers. And because it's part of our everyday life, it can be easy to assume we're pretty good at it.

But can I ask you a question? Have you ever been misunderstood or have you ever said the right thing, but it just came out all wrong? I think we can agree that the quality of our communication, it has a direct impact on the quality of our day.

So because we all want to have better days ahead, I'd like to share three steps, three steps to become a better communicator in every area of life.

The first step is simply this: know why you're communicating. Why do we communicate? Well, the word communicate actually comes from the Greek word Koinoneo, and Koinoneo means to come into communion or fellowship, to become a sharer or partner, to join oneself as an associate with another.

Okay. That is so much more than just small talk or one-way directional speak. You see, communication was created for connection. It's God's design for us to connect our hearts and our minds, to encourage one another, to share our hearts and our dreams. Communication is the foundation of relationship.

Now, get ready, because here comes a strong statement. If there is no communication, there is no relationship. If you show me two people that are struggling, it can be a marriage, a business partnership, a ministry team, if they're struggling, you can bet there's been a breakdown in communication. And oftentimes, the breakdown actually begins when the person who's speaking, they forget why they're communicating in the first place. Breakdown can begin when the person who's speaking cares more about the ability to speak their mind than the other person's ability to receive their message.

I actually want to say that again. Breakdown can begin when the person who's speaking cares more about the ability to speak their mind than the other person's ability to receive their message.

Remember, the reason why we communicate, it's to be in communion, in fellowship. So we communicate for the benefit of the listener, not the speaker. Now, you may think, "Well, that sounds simple," but do you view your daily communication in that way? Whether you're talking to your spouse or your child or even the coffee barista, are you shaping your message for the listener? Because regardless of who we're communicating with, the purpose is to connect with them. So to be a better communicator, know why you're communicating.

And then the next step is to know what to communicate. What do you actually want to say to make that connection? And in order to define that what, you need to understand two things. You need to know your audience and your goal.

So first, let's talk about knowing your audience. Who are you speaking to? Jesus knew Peter, and so he spoke Peter's language. I'll make you a fisher of men. Jesus was specific with his words so he could create fellowship and communion with Peter. 

So let's use a family example. What you say to a six year-old is probably going to be very different than what you say to a spouse. Now, that's obvious. But it gets a little blurry on team dynamics. What do you communicate to your peer, to your supervisor, or to the team that you're leading? You see, why you're communicating to them, it's the same. You want to be in partnership, in communion with them. But what you actually communicate, that depends on your audience. 

Let's take this example, communicating vision and application. Some audiences, they're going to need 80% vision and 20% application. But some of them will need 20% vision and 80% application. Now, regardless of the audience, a good communicator, they will always share some level of vision. And vision, it's simply a passion and an inspiration for the purpose at hand. So if you're communicating to a team of any kind, they will always benefit from being reminded why they're doing what they're doing. And when you know your audience, it helps you to know what to communicate.

Then, that's when you craft your goal. What do you actually hope to accomplish? And what words are you going to use to do just that? Think of it like this. Think about a swimming pool. How do you get in? What do you do when you're in there? And how do you get out? Well, it depends on the goal, the goal of what you're doing. If you're doing a synchronized swimming routine or if you're doing a high dive or if you're getting in a lazy river, okay, those are three very different goals that require a different entry, activity, and a different exit.

Now, let's translate that. What does that mean in terms of communication? Okay. Let's say, for example, you need to communicate a significant change to the team that you're leading. Okay. You know what you're communicating and you know your audience. Is your goal going to be, let's say, to inspire them or inform them? Well, if your audience is adverse to change, you may need to up that inspiration component. And if your audience is eager to change, you may just simply want to inform them. Remember, partnership is why you're communicating in the first place.

So how will you get into the conversation and what will you do while you're speaking? Will you inform them? Will you inspire them? And how do you want to get out or into that conversation to ensure a partnership was just formed? Now, you may say, "That sounds like a lot of thinking and preparing," and you're right. But remember, as the communicator, it's your responsibility to do the heavy lifting, to reach your listener, because it's not about the communicator. It's about the listener. You're not just talking to them. You're trying to partner with them.

A great example of this was Jesus. When he met the woman at the well, oh, Jesus knew why he was communicating with her. He wanted to be in fellowship with her. And Jesus knew this audience of one. He knew that she would hear him, she would connect with him if he spoke of her lifestyle. And he achieved his goal. Oh, you can tell, because she left that conversation and told everyone of her amazing encounter with him. If we want people to connect with us through the message that we're sharing, we remember our why, and then we carefully craft our what, getting into the conversation, what will we do when we're in there, and then getting out of it with a partnership in place.

That brings us to our last step. The last step in being a better communicator is knowing how to communicate. How do you pick the very best medium or method and time of your communication? Listen, leadership is at least 50% timing. In the first chapter of Acts, Jesus told the disciples to wait, wait for the Holy Spirit. Oh, he'd given them the why of the Gospel. He'd even given them the what of the message to share, but they needed to wait, to wait on the right time for empowerment.

And sometimes, I think we may know our why, and we know our what, and we can just run ahead without really thinking through the how. But catch this. The very best why and what, it can be completely ineffective with a poor how delivery. And this is especially true if you lead teams, because remember, as the leader, you've probably had more time to process what's being communicated than your listener.

This was a really big lesson in the pandemic. There was so much to communicate, but it first had to be thought through and discussed. It had to be internalized by the leaders of organizations. And if you're part of a leadership team that's making all of those plans and decisions, then you have the benefit of lots of conversations, and in those conversations, processing your thoughts and your preferences and your feelings. And great leadership teams will define their strategy to move forward for the organization. And then as they prepare to communicate the plan, they think about timing and they remember. They remember what it felt like the first time that they heard the news, all of the shock and emotion and fear.

And because they know that the team will be listening through that same filter, that lens, so a great leader will be careful to choose the right time to communicate. They'll probably slow things down. They'll read the room or pay attention to their listeners and allow those listeners the necessary time to receive the message they're actually sharing.

Timing is so important, and so is nonverbal communication. And by nonverbal communication, I mean body language, facial expressions, and even where you sit in a meeting. Did you know that Japan Airlines, they were the very first airline to remove the counter at their first class check-in? They wanted to create a more personal greeting to connect. So if you want to connect with someone, maybe don't sit behind a desk. Sit beside them at a table. And this is where I would also put tone in the category. You've probably heard, "It's not what you say. It's how you say it." But I'll go even more and say it's how they heard it. Your method should match your message.

Think about Jesus. He gave sight to so many blind people, and he did it in a lot of different ways. And I think his methods were tailor made for the receiver or for the disciples who might have been watching nearby. He connected with those people by matching the method and his message. And he did it in unique ways just for them. And we can do the same thing. We can match our method with our message and develop unique partnerships that can really last a lifetime.

So that's it. Three steps to being a better communicator, know your why, know your what, and know your how. And I hope that helps you to make connections in your daily life and build a foundation of truly great relationships, because good communication, that's the key.